Finding Your Four Keys to Excellence
By Rob Salafia
Innovators & Entrepreneurs, October 2021
Have you ever had a colleague who inexplicably knocked you off your game? Or faced a work situation that felt as though the rug had been pulled out from under you? Even actuaries who know their subject matter inside and out can have moments where it feels as though they lose their voice.
While attending a Leadership Forum (back when attending things in person was normal), I met with an early-career woman, Hope. After completing an exercise, Hope mentioned that the director in her office had told her to work on her executive presence. As she told me this, her posture deflated and her voice grew weak. He did not give her any specifics and she did not know where to start.
This feedback wasn’t a surprise to her, she explained. She loved her job, prided herself on knowing the ins and outs—however, a particular senior manager seemed to have it out for Hope and was excessively critical of everything she did. She was at the point where the mere suggestion that she might run into this person set her on edge. And now she’d been asked to make an important presentation to the senior team in a couple of weeks. Understandably, she was concerned. This was a make-or-break career moment for her.
Hope’s situation isn’t unique—even the most confident professionals occasionally run into someone that somehow throws them off (on purpose or unconsciously). This can confound actuaries: “Hey, I’ve done my homework, I’ve put in the time—how can one person or situation make me feel as though I’ve lost my footing?”
Whatever the situation, the bottom line is that it can negatively impact your job performance. If you’re feeling on the defensive, nervous, or rattled, you’re more likely to make mistakes and errors in judgment. In other words, you’re not operating in your best self.
How can you find your way back when someone unmoors you? In Hope’s case, I asked her to tell me about a time in her life when she felt her best, most alive, and confident. After considering for a moment, a gentle smile came onto her face. She’d played flute in an award-winning high school marching band—a band so good that it consistently won at the Columbus Day Parade in New York City! I asked Hope to show me what she looked like when she got ready to play.
Before my eyes Hope’s posture and presence transformed, shifting from slouched shoulders to sitting tall and confident. As she lifted her arms into her playing position, she exuded joy.
Hope wasn’t just a talented contributor to the band either. She led the whole flute section successfully through incredibly difficult competitions.
As Hope spoke, I noticed that she no longer seemed overwhelmed and depressed. Rather, she was energized, hopeful, and confident. Her best self.
Now, how could she take this confident version of herself to her upcoming and critical presentation in front of the entire senior team?
Until our conversation, Hope’s upcoming presentation was causing her intense anxiety. Recalling a time when she felt at her best unplugged her from that anxiety and reconnected her with a genuine positive self-image. So, how could she put this sense memory to work for her?
1. Finding Her Signature Stance
The tall yet relaxed posture Hope had assumed time and time again as a flute player was second nature. This particular stance was also where she learned how to bring out her best performance. It was impossible for Hope to assume this stance—even years later—without feeling her pride and confidence return. This sense memory sent a clear and positive message to herself and conveyed a natural, confident, and powerful presence to others.
2. Playing to Be Heard
Under scrutiny at work, Hope often found her voice weaken as an extension of her low confidence. But when she was a flute player; she knew how to play to be heard. Here too the power of her sense memory bolstered her presence. Hope needed to access this while speaking in front of others. To speak to be heard!
3. Adopting a Mindset of Excellence
The third key for Hope was recalling her role as a leader in the band. She held a strong vision of excellence for herself and her fellow flute players. We discussed how she could hold this strong vision of musical and performance excellence and lead herself.
4. Finding Her Groove
Hope’s fourth key appeared when she started humming her favorite song that the band played. The rhythm, the tempo, the timing—it was a positive feeling state that contributed to her confident air.
All told, these elements became her four triggers with which she could recreate a state of positivity, focus, and confidence in the face of the most intimidating of situations. In other words, these were her keys to being extraordinary.
Finding these keys was a breakthrough for Hope, and she didn’t keep this information to herself. She sought out a couple of senior leaders (folks who’d shown in the past that they were rooting for her) and shared her four elements. When she practiced her presentation in front of them, they were able to use these four keys as a common language when delivering feedback.
How did the fateful presentation go? Amazing, Hope reported. She said that she felt calm and confident. She took control of the moment, stood tall, and spoke in a strong and confident voice. She experienced a deep sense of satisfaction from the experience. In fact, the senior person who’d been tough on her approached her following the presentation and congratulated her on a job well done.
If you’re not a flute player, don’t stress. You too can uncover your own unique keys to being extraordinary and staying in your best self no matter what comes.
Not sure where to start? Get a notepad or tablet and consider the following:
- Think of two or three moments or experiences in your life when you’ve felt in your best self. These will be times when you felt most alive, confident, energized, and effective. When you felt a sense of feeling and purpose.
- Describe your physicality in those moments. If necessary, get up and move around until your body finds the same position. This is your signature stance.
- How did you feel in those moments? (Brave? Large? Wise?)
- How would you describe your energy? (Calm? Elated?)
- Try to describe your mindset. For instance, were you in a flexible state of mind? Adaptable? Generous?)
Identifying moments where you lived in your best self and finding your four keys may come easily to you, or they may take a while to unearth. But with effort, it can be done. Reclaiming personal power is never easy, but the work is well worth it. Once you’ve found your keys to being extraordinary, they will always be with you, and you can reach for them whenever you need to regain your footing.
Rob Salafia is an authority on executive presence and transformative learning experiences. He is the author of Leading From Your Best Self: Develop Executive Poise, Presence, and Influence to Maximize Your Potential (McGraw-Hill), on which this article is based. Rob is a lecturer and executive coach at MIT Sloan School of Management, and founder of Protagonist Consulting Group. Learn more at: http://www.protagonistconsulting.com. He can be contacted at robsalafia@protagonistconsulting.com.