The Deepest of Work Meetings

By Mitchell Stephenson

The Stepping Stone, November 2023

It was a rough week at my last job. There were layoffs. Although no one on my team was affected, they were not feeling great about impacted colleagues with whom they worked. After a year of working remotely, COVID-19 rates were spiking again. It was an anxious time.

My team—one I led for years—had a regularly scheduled after-hours virtual happy hour later that same week. We started these during the second quarter of 2021 to stay better connected, as we were no longer working and seeing each other in the office. We talked on video, Microsoft Teams chats, and in meetings, but the natural, informal connection we were used to experiencing in the office prior to the pandemic was missing. The happy hours were a way for us, as a team, to spend quality time with each other, even though we had to be on video. By the time of this particular happy hour, we had not seen our colleagues in person for a year. One team member recently took another job. We were going to use our time during the happy hour to wish her well. We decided to keep it as scheduled, despite the rough week and less-than-optimal mood of the team.

Each month, two team members were assigned to choose an activity for the group and to facilitate the happy hour. This week, they came with an interesting choice; we would go through each person, and the rest of the team would discuss what they appreciated and admired about him or her. As soon as I heard the topic—and given the general mood of the team—I winced. “This is going to be awkward,” I thought.

What transpired over the next hour was the deepest, and most profound, work meeting I have ever been a part of.

As we started with the first person, and others talked about what they admired and appreciated about her, I sensed that everyone who spoke was making a sincere effort to make meaningful comments. It showed vulnerability. As the discussion continued, team members demonstrated insight into each other’s personalities, each other’s best qualities, and it was evident to me as a leader—for the first time—how connected each team member was to one another.

I learned not only about the qualities that each person possessed that other team members appreciated and admired, but also how much those expressing the sentiments really meant it. That mattered, a lot. In a week, and in a year, when stress, anxiety, and tension exceeded levels any of us had previously experienced in the workplace, the connections among team members helped us all to navigate through it.

There were a few lessons I learned from that day that stuck with me ever since. Specifically:

Finding time for teams, and team members, to connect in an informal setting, is important.

After the pandemic, the new normal is that many teams now have a combination of in-person, remote, and virtual employees. Making sure to have events in which everyone has an opportunity to connect outside of the day-to-day interactions can strengthen and bond groups together in a meaningful and impactful way.

That can involve in-person events, but when travel is prohibitive for various team members, virtual activities may be needed. If our team had not set up virtual happy hours, we would not have had the chance to get together during that difficult week. We would not have otherwise participated in a meeting that gave us all the confidence and security from a group that cared about and respected each other as professionals and as individuals. That helped each of us work better through difficult circumstances afterwards.

It is okay to say you are not okay, even at work.

Before COVID-19, in my experience, it was rare that people would admit that difficulties outside the workplace might be affecting their work performance, even on a temporary basis. Admitting so could be viewed as a disadvantage, or detriment, to how one’s effectiveness and abilities were perceived.

During COVID-19, everyone experienced difficulties. It became more common to admit to each other how difficult our experiences were. It became more common to say things like, “I’m not my best self today,” when challenges arose in our personal lives outside the workplace.

Having gotten used to this mindset after a year of experiencing the stress, anxiety, and uncertainty caused by the pandemic, it was easier for us to acknowledge that we as individuals, and as a team, were not feeling good that week. It helped us to be more vulnerable, open, and honest. When that authenticity was directed at articulating what we appreciated and admired about each other, it resulted in sentiments that many of us would not have been comfortable expressing in the workplace only a year earlier.

As a leader, let the team lead when they are taking you, and the team culture, in a positive direction.

The idea for the happy hour was not mine, and neither was the topic. Nor was I speaking any more or less than any other team member, and I certainly was not leading the call, setting the tone, or driving the content of the discussion. Nonetheless, the meeting was one of the best and most productive—from a support and team culture perspective—that I have ever been part of. The team led me there and it taught me that letting that happen was much better than trying to control where the team was taking me.

I remember getting a text from a team member during the call expressing how profound the meeting was. I doubt I will ever be in another meeting as meaningful as that, especially because the circumstances—a global pandemic, a week in which there were job eliminations, and a regularly scheduled virtual happy hour— are unlikely to be replicated. Although I will not be able to duplicate the circumstances of that meeting, I certainly will take away the lessons—and remember the experience of it—for as long as I am working and leading teams.

Statements of fact and opinions expressed herein are those of the individual authors and are not necessarily those of the Society of Actuaries, the editors, or the respective authors’ employers.

Mitchell Stephenson, FSA, MAAA is the head of model governance at Fannie Mae and can be reached at mbstep684@gmail.com or via LinkedIn.