The Zen Actuary Installment 22: Self-Care is NOT Optional
By Rich Lauria
The Stepping Stone, November 2024
Author’s note: This is the continuation of a series[1] adapted from the book Awake at Work by Michael Carroll, covering the application of Buddhist teachings to situations encountered in a modern corporate workplace setting. This series addresses challenges frequently encountered by practicing actuaries.
A Merry COVID Christmas
The final weeks of 2023 were filled with more than the usual amount of work-related stress. The end of fall semester brings with it a normal crush of duties: preparing and administering final exams, determining class grades, reviewing final grades of other program faculty, and reviewing the initial surge of applications for next fall’s incoming class. On top of that, I interviewed and assessed potential candidates as part of a new full-time faculty search committee. And I had to finish an initial draft of a textbook that I have co-authored with a faculty colleague to meet publisher deadline commitments. In short, I did not know which way was up or down as the holidays rapidly approached.
Two final exams required squeezing in make-ups to students during the week before Christmas. After the final make-up on December 22, it took over two hours to drive home due to holiday traffic. I arrived home exhausted, drained and defeated. My e-mail box was filled to the brim, and I could not have cared less. I just wanted to get to 2024, when I would have a few days to breathe before beginning preparation for spring semester.
When I woke up the following day, my throat was hoarse and scratchy, but I was not particularly concerned. I attributed the feeling in part to fatigue and excessive talking that week. However, when I woke up at 5 a.m. on Christmas Eve, hoarseness had become a sore throat, and my entire body felt like it was stuck in a furnace. My body temperature exceeded 101 degrees. I took an at-home COVID test and tested positive for the first time in my life. My wife and I spent the entire holidays and winter break getting over the virus. Even when the next semester started, I needed a microphone to conduct the first few weeks of lectures with lots of throat lozenges and saltwater gargling afterward. I did not feel close to 100% until the end of February.
Revisiting an Important Truth
Every dark cloud has a silver lining, and falling ill for the first time in five years was a blessing in disguise. In between the hacking cough, fluctuating body temperature, achy muscles, and waves of fatigue, I finally had time to contemplate what had occurred. And when I could generate clear thoughts, it was painfully obvious that this was not my first episode with this type of experience. In truth, I had been running on empty for quite some time but refused to accept that reality.
I had been in a “critical review” period for my job, and I did not say “no” to anyone who asked me for something, whether a student, alumni, fellow faculty member, or school administrator. And I was still squeezing in social obligations where I could. The one person I was saying “no” to unconsciously was me. My body and mind were seeking rest and relaxation, and I was ignoring their pleas despite strong evidence of its necessity. I was skipping meditation periodically and my yoga practice had turned into contortion practice with little if any mindfulness. I was quickly losing patience with students and faculty alike, and not enjoying much, if any, of the experience.
The main take-away is that I matter, too. This does not mean that my efforts to be of service to others are in vain, but they need to be considered in the objective light of what I can physically and mentally accomplish.
A useful analogy is the airline crew’s instructions on using oxygen masks: adult passengers should put on their own mask before administering to a young child. It does not serve a child’s best interest if his or her parent has passed out. Similarly, each of us cannot take care of others if we do not take care of ourselves. Self-care is not optional!
What This Means for Actuaries
Taking the time to care for oneself can be especially challenging for actuaries. There are two driving forces that frequently encourage actuaries to postpone necessary self-maintenance, sometimes for an extended period. The first are the external demands from multiple sources—whether it is an actuary’s direct supervisor, report or colleague, or other stakeholders who are dependent on the actuary’s work such as a sales or marketing executive, administrator, client, board member, or a regulator. Actuaries routinely get pulled in many directions, requiring solid time management skills.
For example, a corporate actuary may have to juggle demands for information supporting an audit committee presentation with meeting regulatory financial reporting deadlines, while continuing research on a new proposed accounting standard, plus monitoring and taking necessary action on capital requirements and providing due diligence support on a potential acquisition. There is enough work on the actuary’s plate to keep him or her gainfully employed and working seven days a week. And with the technological capacity to work from anywhere in the world, that can become a reality without discipline.
The other driving force is the internal make-up of actuaries. They are highly intelligent, insatiably curious, ambitious, thoughtful, conscientious, diligent, trustworthy, and reliable. Saying “no” to a valid request therefore can be quite difficult, flying in the face of one’s self-image, that underlying belief in one’s ability to take on the world. It is these same characteristics that the profession selects for that make it one of the world’s most highly respected, and enables it to thrive in the face of accelerating global change.
Nevertheless, it is highly important that actuaries allow for some “down time” to nurture themselves in healthy ways that recharge the batteries and rekindle the inner fire to continue delivering on their value propositions. This will sometimes require pushing back on proposed deadlines or delegating work to others with more capacity. It may even call for turning down a project altogether, particularly if the end result has uncertain value or the nature of said project does not align well with the actuary’s scope of duties. I have sometimes been the victim of “scope creep,” especially when I worked in more of a generalist role; such roles can sometimes justify receiving requests on almost anything related to the profession. Those in corporate or enterprise level roles can empathize with this dilemma.
Recognizing the Signs
Knowing when to say “yes” versus "no” is not straightforward. It can be detrimental to haphazardly turn down valid requests from key stakeholders. The key to making the best decision is developing self-awareness. This means going beyond both the egoic mind, which continually forges, monitors, adjusts, and protects one’s self-image, as well as one’s superego, which is the self-regulator of one’s personal behavior and choices.
Even if one can justify rejecting a request, the superego can override the rational mind by “shoulding.” The internal dialogue goes something like, “I really do not have the time to take on this lapse study, but we need better lapse assumptions in our cash flow testing models. I should just bite the bullet and get this done because it will not look good if I hand it off to someone else. I will skip family outings for the next few weekends; my loved ones will understand. Or maybe I’ll drop my yoga membership and just do 30 seconds of deep breathing at home to save time.” The internal judge has stepped up to make sure that one keeps working!
Noting one’s mental reaction when receiving a request is revealing. If the initial thought is “oh no,” then it is a good idea to examine what is driving that thought. It may be a knee-jerk reaction or simple inertia, especially if the request is unpleasant. However, it could also be a signal that this is something that should at the very least be postponed due to overload.
Observing the mind can be challenging. It requires years of practice to refine. I have been meditating and trying to stand on my head for decades, and there are many days I feel I am no better at mindfulness than when I started. However, observing the body can be easier and can be a more reliable indicator of one’s state of mind. As one yoga teacher told me, “The body is often smarter than the mind.”
Scanning the body for areas of achiness or tightness can provide valuable information. Sometimes I am not aware of how much tension I’m feeling until I check in with areas where I commonly hold stress. Simple techniques I use include squatting on my toes, rolling my shoulders back, and moving my jaw around. The feedback is immediately useful and can indicate the degree of mental unease I am feeling about the current state of affairs. Over time I have learned to recognize certain physical signals that indicate potential overload. This encourages me to block out some time to assess potential changes to my work commitments.
Observing our interactions with others also provides useful information on what is going on inside each of us:
- Are we present with colleagues when having a conversation with them?
- Are we paying attention at staff meetings or regularly checking our watches noting how much scheduled time is remaining?
- When confronted by someone, are we curious about their perspective or do we become reflexively defensive in posture?
Noting how we address another human being, both verbally and through body language can override the narrative the egoic mind has constructed to prop up one’s self-image.
Keeping a log of one’s activities and scheduling can be beneficial. In Stephen Covey’s The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, he suggests making sure that one’s work calendar contains a sufficient amount of space to help prevent the burnout that frequently occurs when jumping from one thing to the next. Cluttered calendars and activity logs are a sign that self-care is probably at a minimum level. Disciplined calendar maintenance can instill the pragmatism required to know when to say “no.”
Examples of Self-Care
The most obvious form of self-care is that of the body. Given the innate intelligence of our bodies, this is the most straightforward aspect of maintaining oneself. This does not mean lying around on the couch or staying in bed for days. In fact, excessive lounging is counter to the concept of bodily self-care for those in reasonable health. I’ve learned through my asana practice that the body wants to move.
This does not require running a marathon or lifting heavy weights. One of my mental stumbling blocks in remaining fit during my youth was the persistent erroneous belief that the solution was significant exertion. There were times my body did not need a vigorous workout, but my mind was programmed to believe that anything less was not worth bothering about. The conflict often resulted in the mind winning out and my remaining on the couch.
Today I realize that some movement is better than none, and sometimes the body wants to just stretch and be gently toned rather than work up a heavy sweat. I always feel better after getting some movement in, even if it is just a short walk in the local park. I’ve also found that the timing of when movement occurs matters. I always do some yoga asana in the morning; it puts me in the frame of mind I want to be in to best serve others.
Exercising the mind is important as well, although that is less of an issue for knowledge workers such as actuaries. The issue for many actuaries is the overuse of the mind and struggling to power it down. Neuroscience estimates that while the brain is roughly 2–3% of the average human’s body mass, it accounts for as much as one-third of human energy consumption. Therefore, being able to slow down the constant barrage of thoughts can enhance an actuary’s ability to be more efficient when using the mind for the heavy cognitive processing required to perform the job. In addition to meditation, yoga, and tai chi, there are many other activities that can focus the mind on something as simple as breathing. I enjoy swimming because I get a “2 for 1” benefit of breath work and body toning. Martial arts practice can also greatly sharpen the mind while providing physical benefits.
Self-care also requires proper intake through a balanced diet that supplies sufficient nutrients and nourishment. I’ve done a good amount of experimentation, including multiple attempts at vegan and/or vegetarian diets. I have never been able to maintain them, not because I did not find them filling, but because my body wanted certain nutrients that were best provided through animal products, particularly fish. The point here is to pay attention to what provides the best energy for the caloric intake involved.
Monitoring what the mind takes in is equally important. In today's world of seemingly endless media sources and the low cost of disseminating information, discernment is the operative word to take care of one’s mind. It is critical that toxic sources of information or misinformation be limited. That is why I choose today to limit the amount of news I consume, and consciously include reading spiritual literature from multiple traditions.
Self-care also involves connecting with others. While the level of interpersonal interaction one needs varies widely by person, it is important for even the most introverted actuaries to talk to others about things other than the latest product development or modeling technique. While I enjoy speaking with fellow faculty members and other ERM professionals, I appreciate being able to connect with them and others about who they are, not just what they are working on. It provides balance to my ERM dominant mind.
It also means taking time to cultivate valuable personal relationships, including family and close friends. It can be so easy to take these things for granted. However, just like a plant that has been neglected for too long, these treasured relationships can become strained, wither, and die without genuine attention and care.
Incorporating Self-Care into the Busy Actuary’s Life
The most common challenge I’ve discussed with other actuaries is where to find the time. As one colleague recently said to me when drowning in both work and family obligations, “The work still has to get done!” While I empathize with that feeling, I’ve come to realize that I am ultimately responsible for not caring for myself, not the work or the deadlines that come with it. No matter where I’ve worked, there have always been deadlines. And there always seems to be more work than hours in the day to complete all of it. But I can stop if I choose to for a moment and send my wife a loving text message. I can ask for help on a project or turn down a request to serve on another committee. I can stretch my body by doing downward facing dog or take a short walk to enjoy the sunset.
The difficulty comes from not recognizing where one’s true value comes from. One is not valuable because of one’s accomplishments. It is easy to get caught up in that thinking in a culture that constantly measures what one is doing.
When people meet for the first time, the most common way to get to “know” one another is by mutually discussing occupations. While there is nothing wrong with this approach in scratching the surface, people are much more than their jobs. It includes their hopes, dreams, and fantasies, as well as their deepest fears and worst nightmares. It includes their beliefs and values, manifesting in how they treat themselves and others.
I have observed that one’s value emanates from what one is being. Therefore, I suggest taking the time to just be and allowing the world and others to pass by for at least a short while each day. Try to observe and note without judgment. It can be a soul-opening and nourishing experience. The projects and deliverables will still be there, but hopefully with a more balanced perspective on the role they truly play in our lives.
I have learned the hard way of the importance of self-care in nourishing the mind, body and spirit. Self-care has not only helped me feel better, but it has also enhanced the experience of completing job related tasks and assignments.
Hopefully self-care becomes a conscious part of the actuarial toolkit for all practitioners. This can elevate the profession to an even higher level that is sustainable while reducing unnecessary suffering. The result is a thriving group of professionals coming from a place of joy in providing vital services to its employers, clients and stakeholders.
Statements of fact and opinions expressed herein are those of the individual authors and are not necessarily those of the Society of Actuaries, the editors, or the respective authors’ employers.
Rich Lauria, FSA, CFA, is associate director and lecturer in the Enterprise Risk Management program at Columbia University in New York City. He can be reached at rl2764@columbia.edu. LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rich-lauria-6555a425/.
Endnote
[1] The first 21 installments in the Zen Actuary series were published in the November 2013 through March 2024 issues of The Stepping Stone, available online at www.SOA.org/ld.